How I Planned My Wedding to Avoid Sitting Down

In February of 2019, after the Mayo Clinic failed to clear up the medical mystery that was me, I made the decision to assume I would never find a cure, and move ahead with my life anyway.

By then, I had spent two years thinking, “When I get this medical issue cleared up, I’ll…” I was tired of adding the conditional before anything I wanted to do. I decided to accept my limitations, and accept that this was my life now.

I soon got a chance to translate this new attitude into real-life behavior. A few weeks after I left Rochester, my boyfriend proposed, and I switched into wedding-planning mode.

Wedding planning can be stressful for a normal person, but I had the added challenge of making it through all the events without sitting down. Details I had never thought of before were now cause for anxiety. How would I get to the church? Could we get standing tables for the rehearsal dinner? What was I supposed to do about my hair?

The easiest solution would have been to plan an informal wedding. I could have showed up at the courthouse with my fiancé and a couple of witnesses, and gone home afterwards. I wouldn’t even have to change into a dress. But to me, that sort of wedding would defeat the whole purpose.

In my mind, the wedding was a social statement. It was how my fiancé and I would cement our relationship in the eyes of our families, friends, the church, and the law. It didn’t have to be big or expensive, but it had to be public. A private wedding ceremony wouldn’t serve the same function. And I refused to be shamed out of my own wedding.

Also, I wanted to rent out the Fargo zoo for the reception. No practical or impractical argument was going to get me to change my mind.

And so, thus committed to having a traditional wedding, I turned my attention to the numerous other small details that no one else would think about.

Getting There

My wedding was in Fargo. I live in New Jersey. A plane ride was a necessary evil.

Since I knew it would be a torture, I planned to fly into town a week before the ceremony, and stick around for nearly a week after. This, I figured, would give my sensitive nerve plenty of time to decompress before I had to be anywhere important.

In defiance of my own aesthetic sensibilities, I ended up buying a big ballgown princess dress. That’s how I learned that I could be even more annoying on flights.

“Can I put this in the cabin crew’s closet?” I asked a flight attendant, as I handed her the plastic-wrapped ball of fluff that was as big as I was.

When the pilot’s jacket had been pushed aside and my monstrosity crammed in, I added, “Thanks! And by the way, I have a back problem and can’t sit down, so can I hang out in your prep area during the flight?”

…I don’t know why I’ve never won a popularity contest.

Pre-Wedding Events

Since I was coming in from out of town, and had no intention of making multiple trips, all the typical pre-wedding events were condensed into a few days.

Bridal showers are normally something to be endured rather than enjoyed, so I resolved to keep a smile pasted on my face.

Then, my childhood best friend and bridesmaid sent me an invitation with this insignia:

There’s a reason she reached bridesmaid-level friend status.

Since the shower was totally out of my control, planning-wise, I stressed about being an awkward addition to my own party. But my friend had me covered – she rigged a standing table in the front of the room, where I could open presents and answer awkward questions about my fiancé.

Also, she used the occasion to project a Star Trek fanfiction video we filmed during college. (I was both the screenwriter and the Captain.)

My bachelorette party did not live up to Hollywood standards of debauchery. It ran from 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m., was held at a public park, and had more guests under age five than over age twenty-five. It was basically a family reunion, and my cousins had been breeding like dust bunnies while I was out of state.

At least there was no need to sit down at the park’s splash pad. The adults were all busy scampering around after the kids, so my upright weirdness wasn’t noticeable.

The rehearsal dinner was held the same night at the Sons of Norway lodge. It didn’t come with standing tables, but it did have a curved wooden bar off to one side that worked well enough for my fiancé and me. It was a little weird that we were separated from the rest of the guests, but it was also nice to have a few minutes to ourselves.

Hair & Makeup

As I’ve written, my boycott of hair salons started when I stopped sitting. I seriously contemplated shaving my head and wearing a wig to the wedding, but that would still require a visit to a hairdresser. So instead, I did what any sane person would do, and panicked.

Fortunately, my Mom kept a clear head, and took decisive action.

She visited a hair salon near the church, and explained the situation. She asked how tall the tallest hairdresser was, and, satisfied, made sure she was scheduled to do my hair.

I was skeptical. I didn’t expect that the receptionist had written the details down, and I wondered if the stylist who was assigned to me would actually show up.

When I got to town, I remembered that Fargo is not Newark. The staff remembered every detail, and Julia (who stood 5’11”) was already waiting for me.

The one difficulty I hadn’t anticipated was riding in a car, lying down, without messing up my hairdo. I got an unanticipated neck workout on my wedding day.

The Ceremony

We had a Catholic ceremony. And while we didn’t opt for the full mass, Catholic ceremonies in general are not known for their brevity. Ours involved several readings, hymns, and prayers, and a homily.

The bride and groom are usually shuffled off to the side during parts of the service, where they are allowed to sit down. I was worried about this part, because Catholics are fond of rules, and I didn’t know if I would have much space to negotiate.

However, the priest we worked with was sympathetic, and he arranged for two tall chairs to be placed to the side of the chancel. I, of course, didn’t use mine, but at least me and my husband could stay at roughly the same level.

After the ceremony, we stayed behind at the church for family photos. I had warned the photographer in advance that I couldn’t sit down, and she made sure not to use chairs in any of our posed photos.

The Reception

Our reception was at the zoo, and the pavilion we were granted could be set up using several kinds of tables, none of which really worked for me.

Mom came to my rescue yet again. She laid a board across two cocktail tables, and that contraption served as a standing table for me and my husband. This high area was flanked by normal-height tables for the bridal party. Everything was draped in tablecloths to hide the makeshift nature of the arrangement.

Mom also made a reclining couch for me, since she knew I wouldn’t have much chance to lay down earlier in the day. However, with all the excitement, and dancing, and running around from place to place, I never got a chance to use it.

In the early stages of planning, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to manage a dramatic getaway. I was certainly not going to be sitting in a car, or riding in a horse-drawn carriage, or scooting away on a motorcycle. And I really didn’t want our guests to come out and wave goodbye while I was hauled away in the back of a pickup like cargo.

But once all the reservations were made, it turned out to be a total non-issue. Our entire party stayed at the hotel right across the street from the zoo. So I left using the mode of transport I like best – my own two feet.

Looking Back

It’s been a year now since our wedding, and I’ve had plenty of time to reflect. I’m so glad that I had the wedding I wanted, despite not being able to sit. Now that the work and the stress are all behind me, all I can remember is the magic and excitement.

Also, I got a husband out of the deal, so on the whole, it was worth it.